(and it isn't to ignore them... not without consideration anyway, tempting as it is ;)
Of course you need to trust yourself to know what is best for you ultimately, but it's also good to get the perspective of others - whether I want to hear it or not. Use it, don't use it, but I try to listen. I do that because we all have our blind spots and if something presses a button within me it means there's something there for me to look at.
It is pretty painful when a detractor jumps upon my weaknesses/failings (even if it's just that they perceive me that way through their filters). Especially when they are 'family' and I can't avoid one particularly vocal critic if I want to be around the rest of my family and share special occasions!
The irony is that it comes from a space of wanting the best for me. It's been almost surreal watching people that care for me be so critical of what I think is a forward move for me, a risky one sure, but I definitely believe it's progress. They are afraid for me and think the path would be too hard and they are trying to block my way as they are trying to save me from pain (yes they can't see the irony, they think the pain they are saving me from would be greater than the pain of not being supported by loved ones). The way they've learned to keep people in line is the way they've been kept in line: criticism, chiding, shaming and punishment. Our parents did it to us and it was done to them.
A part of me knows that they do that with the best of intentions, I can feel the love in the action, that they genuinely believe they know what is best for me, so they try to cajole me into doing things the way THEY think I should... (It's like they are being cruel to be kind). I DO get it! Totally actually! I think I know that one so well because I've done it myself in the past - both to myself and to others!
The thing is you need to BE the change you want to see, so if you want people to accept you for who you are - warts and all - you have to offer them the same courtesy! That is a seriously tough one!
When I quit drinking you'd have thought that people would be happy for me to be turning my life around. Quite the opposite actually. They suddenly thought I was going to go judgemental on them, look down my nose at them or bible bash them with my teetotal 'bible'. That wasn't the plan, but truthfully I maybe I could have done that. The fact is I'm so happy being free of my nicotine and alcohol addictions I am not afraid to share that with others, but those who want to stay where they are don't want me to succeed or it proves they can too and THAT makes them really uncomfortable. It can seem like me being on my high horse thinking I'm now better than them because I've thrown away a crutch and I may look at their social habits as bad for them. Truth is I want what's best for them too for sure, but I learned this through the years it took me to quit smoking. NOBODY can tell you when it's time for you to stop smoking. You've got to do it for youself and it's only when you are ready. (I'm sure there are others who used a partner or child as incentive, but it has to be added to boost their will to do it for themself).
Sometimes their criticism comes from their own wounds and it's their issue and it's my test to how much I have healed and now believe in myself whether I let their opinions get to me or not.
Generally I find they are my mirror. The more comfortable I become with myself the more comfortable my critics become with who I am being. If my world outside of me reflects who I am inside then I can hear my critics and look for where I do that to myself - I always find it. They are my clues to where I need healing. I thank them. Sometimes I need to stay away from them coz I'm not ready to hear it but when I am I remember to be objective and that everybody hs their own stuff and that is where THEY are coming from, but if I listen to everything that the Universe sends me their is something in EVERYTHING. Even criticism. Even if it's just to show me where I haven't yet healed.
If I wasn't still on a journey I wouldn't be in a human body anymore ;)
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